Feedback is a Gift: Mastering the Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback
In both personal and professional realms, effective communication hinges on our ability to give and receive feedback gracefully. But do we truly view feedback as the invaluable gift it is?
Understanding Feedback: A Constructive Perspective
“The best feedback is what we don’t want to hear.”
Feedback is often characterized as positive or constructive. I prefer to see ALL feedback as constructive, as it serves to affirm our successes or highlight areas for improvement, both are growth opportunities. We should never be providing feedback as a way to tear someone down.
At its core, feedback is about "feeding information back", sharing our perspectives on others' actions or words.
As providers of feedback, we are offering our perspective on how we experienced what that person said or did. Our viewpoint isn’t absolute truth; it’s merely how we experienced a situation, likely against the backdrop of our own biases. Two people can listen to the same presentation at work and have completely different perspectives on content and delivery. Two people can listen to someone’s tone; one hears it as negative, the other as positive. Prefacing feedback with phrases like "here is how I experienced…" fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness.
As recipients, we are listening to that perspective and then have the opportunity to personalize how we feel about it and what actions we may or may not take as a result.
Think about the person who just provided you with feedback. Do they care about you (or maybe your business)? Chances are, if they don’t they wouldn’t have invested the time to give you feedback in the first place.
Be careful not to judge the delivery. Feedback can be hard to give and delivery is a skill that needs practice, so if it isn’t perfect be forgiving. Look beyond the delivery to the gift of the words.
Have you received similar pieces of feedback in the past? If yes, maybe this is a theme you need to take to heart. If not, maybe you want to tuck it away as a potential blind spot.
As a result of what you just heard, what actions do you want to take? It is your choice.
Tips for Giving Feedback
When giving feedback you are saying: “I care enough about this person to give them feedback which will help them be the best they can be.”
Readiness. Prepare your feedback in advance. Ensure the receiver is ready by asking, “is now a good time”? or “are you open to some feedback?”
All feedback is constructive. It is about the delivery.
Use “I” versus “you” statements. This reduces defensiveness, finger pointing or blame.
Engage the other person’s point of view. E.g.,“ tell me why _______”, or “tell me what happened”, or “I understand that _________, can we talk about it?” instead of direct statements such as “why did you do _________”.
Use caution when sandwiching feedback. The sandwich approach provides something positive, then the negative (constructive) and ends with something positive. This approach can lead to those receiving your feedback always fearing the worst. It also reduces the impact of the positive things you say. Remember, all feedback should be constructive, it’s about the delivery.
Don’t debate. If you sense an argument coming, save your feedback for another time.
Be objective. Is what you are saying designed to help them improve a changeable behaviour? Have you provided direct and specific feedback or a general statement?
Deliver feedback immediately. This provides the greatest impact, timeliness is important and remember to be specific.
Never deliver feedback as a joke. This is a bit like the ‘sandwich wrapper’ technique, but don’t expect someone to have to decipher what you are saying and your intentions through the guise of a joke.
Tips for Receiving Feedback
When receiving feedback engage the attitude that says: “I know you are giving me feedback because you care enough about me to help me succeed.”
Readiness. Are you ready to receive feedback from this person? If not ask the person if a different time can be selected.
Acknowledgement. You may not agree with what is said but you have an obligation to acknowledge the feedback. Accept it, reflect on it and determine how and if you will act on it.
Avoid debates. Receiving feedback does not mean justifying your position.
Express gratitude. Giving feedback is not always easy and sometimes the giver has to step outside his or her comfort zone and take a risk. Acknowledge the courage it may have taken and the thoughtfulness with a “thank you”.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, feedback often gets overlooked. Yet, embracing feedback is essential for personal growth. By mastering the art of giving and receiving feedback, we pave the way for continuous improvement and meaningful connections. So, let's practice these tips and unlock the transformative power of feedback in our lives!
